Being Supportive

I went to one of those schools which, unbeknown to me, was where a lot of the gay kids went because it had a reputation of being respectful and accepting. I had a reasonable number of friends confide in me that they were gay during college, many of whom had not yet told their parents. No matter how many times I give this speech, I still feel like I never deliver it right in person, so I felt like maybe it was worth writing up, both for other people who don't know what to say and for me. Maybe the next time I give it I'll say it right.

Not being heterosexual isn't a big deal, and yet it is. It isn't a big deal because I don't care what your sexual orientation is, I just want you to be happy. I care deeply about my friends and want all of them to be as happy as possible. At the same time, half the time when people tell me this its through tears, or I can see how long and difficult a struggle this was to come to grips with. I can see the fear of rejection, and admire the bravery of acknowledging that not all people will accept you for who you are, but that you will be who you are anyway. That courage is rare and beautiful, and never something I would want to ignore in anybody.

The conversation always comes around to "how do I tell everybody?" and I always botch this by responding over-briefly with "you don't have to if you don't want to. I never felt the compulsion to tell the world I'm straight, and you don't need to run around explaining your sexual preferences to anybody just because they aren't the same as mine."

It's a true fact, but I'm not saying you should stay in the closet. What I'm actually trying to say is "You do not owe the world an explanation for who you are." You never have, and you never will. As long as you're not hurting anybody, you need to do whatever you need to do to live a happy life, and the rest of the world can go screw itself. You don't owe them anything.

When it comes down to it, I couldn't care less about your sexual orientation: you are my friend and that's what's important. Your sexual orientation is about the same to me as your chosen career, or what set of talents you were born with. It doesn't really change what I think of you. What makes this important to me is that it is important to you. I want to be supportive and help you find all the things in your life you need to be happy. I really truly want you to be happy.

So please, if you want a coming out party you'd better believe I'll be there. I'll do whatever you need: wear a cheesy shirt, run around in a pride parade, help you pick up dudes or chicks or whatever you want. I'll stand next to you if you tell people, or we can giggle as we walk home after parties because none of those incredibly dense people there realized that the guy you came with was your boyfriend. This is just like everything else: you tell me what you need, and I will be there. I just want you to be happy, because I love you.