Firefly comes to stay with me more and more often, and a lot of people ask if she's going to stay for good, including her. She's 15 now. Primary struggles of a 15-year-old seem to be wanting to be taken seriously as an adult while being terrified of the actual responsibility when it is given to her, and having excellent reasoning capacity with almost no common sense. She was terrified of the concept of going to the airport, but has randomly driven her friend's car with no training, experience, or permit. She's done way more dangerous stuff too, but I wouldn't care to embarrass her here.
Mostly, she seems overwhelmed by how big the world is sometimes, and she shuts down and acts stupidly.
***
"You left another job?" I can hear Circles judging me.
"I can't handle this, I need a break!"
"I hear you talking about a lot of bad shit happening, but I don't see you taking a lot of responsibility for it."
"Are you saying this is my fault?"
"I can't handle this, I need a break!"
"I hear you talking about a lot of bad shit happening, but I don't see you taking a lot of responsibility for it."
"Are you saying this is my fault?"
***
"You still need to go to school" I feel awful repeating myself, but at the same time I really want her to get this.
"I just want to go someplace else and start again," Firefly whines.
"Well, you can't. This is the hand you drew, and it's shitty, but that isn't going to excuse you if you play it poorly."
"I can't handle this, I need a break!"
Those words wouldn't bother me nearly so much if I didn't say them too.
***
"You still need to go to school" I feel awful repeating myself, but at the same time I really want her to get this.
"I just want to go someplace else and start again," Firefly whines.
"Well, you can't. This is the hand you drew, and it's shitty, but that isn't going to excuse you if you play it poorly."
"I can't handle this, I need a break!"
Those words wouldn't bother me nearly so much if I didn't say them too.
***
Mamoritai got in trouble with his girlfriend for staying up late talking Firefly out of trying to take care of every troubled person she comes across. Lambda really pissed me off by going overboard yelling at Rosie for being persistently obnoxious and not taking a hint.
Truth is, the reason I get so mad at her is that it pains me to watch her make my mistakes. I've got no idea how to life my life and so I mess up and bad things happen sometimes. I'm alright with that, but it pains me to watch the same things happen to her when I love her so much. The world is so massive and complicated that I have no idea how to navigate it, let alone how to guide another.
She'll probably be ok though, since I guess nobody really knew how to lead me either.
Truth is, the reason I get so mad at her is that it pains me to watch her make my mistakes. I've got no idea how to life my life and so I mess up and bad things happen sometimes. I'm alright with that, but it pains me to watch the same things happen to her when I love her so much. The world is so massive and complicated that I have no idea how to navigate it, let alone how to guide another.
She'll probably be ok though, since I guess nobody really knew how to lead me either.
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